it’s just what I know?
Nothing ever seems to last;
thoughts lost on a late summer shore's breeze.
Who said that love of the moment
is what makes life's heft so beauteous.
You said that?
Stamina to endure the unending hurt
will right all that seems to be,
It's just what I know.
Lost again
A newborn trapped in a tsunami of your tears; a babe lamb stranded without teat.
Another notch in the door
Self-righteous bloodletting; for who?
Flowing wounds trail seductively away,
swaying into all that you grasp dearly.
Closing off airways, no room for peace.
Proximity based toxicity grips;
clawing towards my mouth agape.
I wanted an elective.
I need a sedative.
Did I know?
I knew I shouldn't have come, I don't feel good.
Too new is my heart, too old my grit.
Is this fear of trying times or just a longing for peace?
I thought I knew, but now I know I never did.
Two fawns
Two fawns caught in the roiling soup.
Further than we once were,
but still fresh as morning dew.
Growing new from rusty salted dunes.
While hearts beat against bone and broth.
Pounding ripples trace every breath.
Each touch reflects.
Each taste to be remembered.
Oh night how your call rings,
and the stars lean.
In life, and in death.
Our heat collects and creates.
Two fawns born in the muck and green.
19/06/2026
Fingers crawl, while thoughts race ahead.
Quick hopes, deep marrow; light floods to red.
Tides billow, walls rumble and my mind is wracked again.
Touch glistens, spit dribbles... Our heads rush to the bed.
Last evening, where were you?
Tonight, where will you be?
Moments away from it.
Ichor transposed, drops of sticky matter exposed.
Red waves explode over blue flames bowed low.
Slide high to drink from the golden rapture.
Tongues between; blight filled with light.
Pain whispers while love shines so bright.
Sweet dreams little angel, remember our name.
Collapsing arteries
Collapsing arteries; wallow rolling down the back of my chalky tongue.
Stumbling through in rotten cocoons, mumbling breaks speaking to city lights.
Who knew (blue thoughts) you rose through the mildew filled rouse.
We called the cab again, picked up our friends, and rolled towards something we already knew.
smell the flower
camas meadows, purple mondays
blubber calls, and froth awaits.
who cried so loud its echo lies?
staring at their sea, remembering mine.
oh how holy were those days,
of which only memories remain.
those poets i adore, speak so highly
of a god oh so almighty...
then why is it that all i can smell
is my scent soaked through the dirt?
why is it that all i can hear
are my cries winding through the boroughs?
why is it that all i can taste
is the blood of my psalms?
not the cause of a lacking faith,
but of one far greater than theirs.
what reality may call but the one i can hold,
mold, and fold past seven.
in this light i sit and wallow,
in some sort of metaphysical chemtrail.
hallucinate a breath,
and forget the hand that once held.
your loneliness is a friend,
and you will be okay.
lean down, smell the flower,
and give it your number.
I'm sorry I'm not good enough, ever.
I'm so sorry I'm such a bad person.
I'm sorry I can't listen to others above what I am thinking.
I'm sorry I can't listen.
I'm sorry I'm such a bad person.
I've made so many mistakes.
I'm not a good person for others.
I'm a bad person for myself.
I know I want to kill myself because I'm not good enough.
I know I'm not good enough because I'm not good enough.
I wish I would be one day, but I don't think I will be.
I don't think I'll ever be good enough.
I don't think I'll ever be a good person.
I don't think I'll be okay.
I'm really scared.
I'm really scared.
I want to hurt myself again.
I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop wanting to hurt myself.
I'm so scared, I don't want to be scared anymore.
I feel so badly.
I feel so bad.
I feel
so alone.
I'm sorry.