Oh misery

Once all I had was my love and my work. One to fuel my passion, and one to loose my fire. Now I lie here at the climax of something incredible; to be proud of and to be grateful for, and yet I am more numb than ever.

I don't want to see it, I'm disgusted by anything I have touched. What was once such a source of pride and achievement is now no more than a sticky hindrance; sand in my gears.

Losing both my fuel and my fire, I don't know where I am. What should I do when all seems to be so opaque. In the past a direction has been clear; a path to seize and a hilt to grasp. Now I see nothing. I am tired and unhappy, and I have no clear remedy for that. I could once again lie and pretend all is well, but that makes me feel ill. When I am dishonest my dreams explode, more prolific than before, with a violent fervor I fear so. Instead I am honest, I do not want and I do not need. Oh misery.

I've never had to lie; I love! I crave, I need! No matter how fruitless my efforts or how dire my circumstance, I was true. For love, and for what is next I will enjoy the letting of blood. Now, even with a hopeful escape hatch provided, an honest hope for a hand is no longer.

Oh lust, where hast though gone? Oh hope, why have you left me? At last, I may have given up. What a shame, what a loss.